I am not a runner. I probably will never be a runner. But I really, really wish I was.
I started playing soccer when I was four. Usually, I played in goal. Why? I didn’t like to run. Even at four, I was not interested in hurrying around the field. I still play, actually (defence, not goal-keeper; balls flying at my face is not my idea of a good time), and I will run when it is warranted, but I generally limit my movement to a trot with small bursts of sprinting after a (usually) fast forward on a breakaway. I realize that running would improve my game. I just really, really don’t like running.
I probably sound like a bit of a whiner. But I have tried on multiple occasions to make myself into one of those sleek marathoners who think nothing of a 10k run first thing in the a.m. I have laced up with friends, solo, with music, without, and I am still no further ahead than I was at four years old. I can do the eliptical for up to an hour without wanting desperately to go find a cheeseburger, but I just cannot make the treadmill/track/sidewalk my friend! [as a side note, I don’t think that having 34-DDs is really helping my cause, but there are girls who are much more stacked than I am who make it happen, so I probably shouldn’t try to blame my enormous rack for my lack of reserve when it comes to moving my ass from the couch to the pavement. Also, pretty much every less-endowed girl probably wants to slap me right now for daring to complaing that my ta-tas are too big]
So here is what I am proposing as a solution to my hatred (because I really do want to love running, I swear):
1. Cute running clothes – as in, not all the free t-shirts I collect that look like total ass. Look good, feel good, right?
1.5 A really good sports bra – this is a non-negotiable. Or else one of those enormous ta-tas I mentioned is going to smoke me in the eye and then I’ll have a lot of explaining to do. Embarrassing… Imagine trying to explain away a black eye that your boob gave you. Impossible and would likely involve lots of laughing from the person you’re trying to explain it to. Just no. Luckily, I bought this in a nice bright pink and it makes me want to get out and watch those babies not move. At all.
2. Great music – halfway there! I have two separate playlists dedicated to running. These songs make me want to move my (ever expanding) ass and make it look like Rachel McAdams’. Speaking of…
3. Motivation – Rachel McAdams’ ass. Honestly. While I am 100% straight, I swear, that girl is total perfection. Have you seen Morning Glory? She runs around in little panties and makes me wish that I could do the same. I suppose I could, but some people might find that weird. Especially since it is currently the middle of winter in Canada and NO ONE needs to see that. Also, there’s about a million websites extolling the virtues of running for your mental and physical well-being. Anything that can make me less stressed AND slimmer can’t be all bad, right?
4. A plan – Cool Running has a fantastic Couch-to-5k plan that actually sounds do-able. 5km is not that far. I can do this. I think…
5. A goal – I have a friend who is also trying not to hate running. So, she has proposed a few 5- and 10-km road races in the next six months that we can train for. Having a few other friends who don’t hate running, we have good company and encouragement for these races, so hopefully things will go well!
Any suggestions for more motivation?